For many people, the church provides a sense of purpose and understanding. It is a place where individuals can find comfort and solace in times of need. However, for some, it does not provide the same level of understanding and comfort that they seek. For those people, alternate forms of worship and beliefs can bring them closer to their desired sense of understanding. While I am not pro or against the church, I understand why some choose to leave in search of an alternative source of understanding and why others choose to stay.
As an inactive member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I have recently realized how much I respect Mormon women more than ever before. Many of these women marry at young ages, some as young as 18, and rarely over the age of 25. The average marriage age for Mormons is approximately 4 years younger than the nationwide average. Despite their youth, they demonstrate a remarkable level of commitment and care for their husbands and families. I have seen them care for their husbands like their own children until their husbands become the provider they are “supposed” to be. Elder Ballard told BYU students in November 2017 that they shouldn't wait to get married. When asked how to get to where you want to be in school and work, he said not to wait to marry the right person. "You can do both [get married and finish school] if you work hard, make sacrifices, and plan ahead. In fact, you can do better if you have someone to help you."They are strong and independent individuals who take on a lot of responsibility in their families and communities.
During my time as an active church member, I was determined to ensure that my husband's needs were taken care of at the ripe young age of 22. Despite the fact that we were living on a limited budget, I worked hard to make sure all his needs were met without having to resort to welfare. For 8 years, I cared for him and strived to provide him with everything he needed. He got a new electric car paid off, a new SUV, a new house, and a bachelor's degree, with some courses I took off his load to reduce stress. It is no secret that there is an expectation in the culture that women should take on the responsibility of caring for the home. My husband at the time was a perfect example of this, once telling me "I had expectations you would be taking care of the home and things would get done." This was a difficult pill to swallow, especially since I had my own goals and aspirations I ran on E half the time and worked even at 9 months pregnant a up to few hours before labor for him. It seemed like there was an inner dialogue that one day it would all come back tenfold, that you would be blessed for carrying some burden.
If you are a non-member or new to the culture you are likely scratching your head as to why?!?!?!. Well, this verse is the biggest why “help meet” which they extracted from this verse "And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him” (Genesis 2:18)".The phrase “help meet” has been used for centuries to describe a woman’s role in marriage. It implies that women are expected to be the helpers and supporters of their husbands, often at the expense of their own goals and dreams. This can be especially difficult for modern women who have ambitions beyond caring for their husbands. Help meet implies that one person is subservient to the other, this type of thinking can cause financial strain, but it can also lead to emotional and psychological harm. We must be careful when using this phrase, as it can have serious implications on a relationship if taken too far. Utah County, which is 88.1% members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and one of the most religiously homogenous counties in the entire country, has seen a dramatic increase in domestic violence calls and reports over the past few years. This is a concerning trend that has been linked to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (LDS) culture.
The church has spoken out against domestic violence and encourages its members to seek help if needed. However, many victims of abuse feel like they are not taken seriously or do not want to speak out due to fear of judgment or ostracization from their community. I have first-hand seen that and felt that. There is no way our Mesa Falls neighbors didn't hear us fight. There is no way they didn't know.
I got a comment on a Facebook post from a friend in the ward. She said she was going through a divorce and I was shocked but then also I thought about the dynamic during the time I knew them in person and thought this made sense, she was just like me. It can be difficult to understand the full complexities of a relationship from the outside, especially when you don't know all the reasons behind it. However, it is possible to see some similarities between your own experiences and those of others. From my perspective, I have seen many couples struggle with similar issues that I have faced in my own relationships.
The couples who are still married are the ones who in my opinion were equal they carried each other and were partners. They were "equally yolked" another common phrase in the church that refers to husbands and wives being equal to one another. Not just in work but in the way they viewed one another. You can't truly lift someone up if you view them as less of a person. With that comes Respect which is an essential part of any partnership, and it's something that should be cultivated from the beginning. It's also important to remember that respect is a two-way street, and both partners should strive to treat each other with mutual respect and understanding.
Mary Magdalene : Are we so different from men you must teach us different things?
Susannah : We are women. Our lives are not our own.
Jesus : Your spirit's your own. And you alone answer for that. And your spirit is precious to God. As precious as that of your husband... or your father.
As a woman, it is easy to get lost in the roles and titles you have in life. You are a wife, mother, daughter, sister, employee, and many other things. It is important to remember that you are more than these titles and what you do for your family and society. Taking care of yourself is essential for your mental health and well-being. Women should never be made to feel like they have to choose between their ambitions and their duties as a wife or mothers. Being a woman means that you can do both - you can be a mother and a doctor, you can care for your husband and make him do the dishes, or stay with the kids. You are equal and capable of so much more than what society has put on you.
Your goals matter and your ambition is essential in the world today. Ladies, don't let anyone tell you otherwise - you are so much more than what society has defined for you. You have the power to achieve whatever it is that your heart desires, so don't let anyone stand in your way!